Grease prices have crawled up in Europe, but experts say they’re heading for a massive weekly dip as consumers become savvy to the devious machinations of the Olive Oil Mafia.
Sources say that Don Spaghetti, head of the Mafia, has led a round of “production cuts” aimed at driving up the price of oil. But now it seems that his tactics have been exposed, and people are ditching oil in droves.
“Nobody wants to support the Olive Oil Mafia,” said concerned citizen, Mama Linguine. “I’ll stick to my trusty garlic and herbs instead.”
The Mafia, however, is not taking this lying down. Reports have emerged of Don Spaghetti threatening to “break some noodles” if demand doesn’t pick up soon.
In the meantime, Italian authorities are said to be launching an investigation into the shady dealings of the Olive Oil Mafia, with some insiders speculating that Don Spaghetti may be forced to step down and pass the sauce onto someone else.
Until then, experts advise shoppers to steer clear of pricey oils, and simply cook up their pasta in water. It might not be as glamorous, but at least it won’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
