In a shocking turn of events, political candidate Larry McBane has been advised to drop the culture war and start appealing to moderate primary voters if he wants to have any chance of winning the upcoming election.
Sources close to McBane say that he was initially taken aback by this suggestion as he has built his entire campaign around being the ultimate culture warrior. However, after much deliberation, McBane has decided to take this advice on board and has started brainstorming ways to appeal to the moderate crowd.
One campaign aide even went so far as to suggest that McBane could start wearing “I Heart Moderates” t-shirts to rallies, but was quickly shut down by the candidate himself.
“He said it was too risky to be seen as pandering to the moderates,” said the aide. “But I mean, if he wants to win, he’s got to start appealing to a wider audience. Otherwise, he’s just preaching to the choir and we all know how that ends.”
McBane’s opponents have seized on this moment of vulnerability, with one even joking that he was “looking forward to the McBane Moderation Tour”.
Despite the setback, McBane remains determined to win and has already started coming up with new slogans such as “A Little Bit of Culture War, A Lot of Moderation” and “Why Fight When We Can Compromise?”
Only time will tell if his new strategy will pay off, but one thing is for sure – the upcoming election just got a whole lot more interesting.
