Oil and Gas Giant “Drill n’ Spill” Makes a Killing While Energy Prices Take a Dive
In a not-so-shocking turn of events, the infamous oil and gas company, Drill n’ Spill, has reported a whopping $9.6bn in earnings for the first quarter of the year. This comes as a bit of a surprise considering the recent dip in energy prices, but hey, when you’re as good at drilling as these guys, it’s hard not to make a fortune.
According to our anonymous source, Drill n’ Spill CEO, Bob Bobberton, was overheard saying, “We may be destroying the planet, but at least we’re making bank!” when discussing the company’s earnings.
Despite the criticism the company faces for their environmental impact, they seem to keep chugging along. In fact, they’ve even come up with a new slogan: “We bring the heat, even when prices take a beat!” Unfortunately for them, it doesn’t quite rhyme, but you get the idea.
When asked how they manage to continue making money despite the downturn in prices, Drill n’ Spill’s CFO, Jane Janeson, simply laughed and said, “We’re like a unicorn – magical and rare. Except instead of rainbows, we make oil spills!”
While it may be surprising that Drill n’ Spill continues to rake in the cash, it’s no secret that their astronomical profits come at a high price – the environment. But hey, who needs clean air and water when you’ve got a few extra bucks in your pocket, right?
