Officer Takes Down Notorious Squirrel-Feeder “Gunslinger Jim”
At the Peaceful Days Mall in Allen, shoppers were thrown into a state of panic and confusion as a wild scene ensued involving Gunslinger Jim, who was previously known to be a notorious squirrel-feeder in the area. But this time he was wielding a firearm, and not acorns for his furry friends. Luckily, a quick-thinking hero was in the right place at the right time, and contained the peanut-y threat before any major damage was done.
The Chase Begins
Officer Bill “The Hammer” Franklin was initially in the mall for completely unrelated reasons – investigating a report of a cinnabon theft. Little did he know, his skills and expertise would soon be needed for an entirely different situation.
As Gunslinger Jim entered the mall brandishing his weapon, shoppers scattered in all directions, seeking safety in the chaos of the situation. It was then that Officer Franklin heard the commotion, and rather than continuing on his quest for the missing breakfast treat, sprang into action.
The Takedown
Officer Franklin, with the swift agility of a jungle cat, approached Gunslinger Jim from behind. Employing years of training in squirrel-neutralization, he managed a textbook takedown, subduing the gunman and preventing harm to any mall-goers or squirrels in the immediate vicinity.
“I don’t know what kind of sicko would use a firearm like that in a public place,” said Officer Franklin, the sheer adrenalin of the ordeal still evident in his voice. “Honestly, I was just trying to bring a felonious cinnamon bun thief to justice. But maybe now, kids around here will remember that it’s not about the squirrel-food, it’s about the love you put into feeding them.”
While details surrounding Gunslinger Jim’s motive for brandishing the firearm are yet to be confirmed, the mall has since been deemed safe, and shoppers have been allowed to return to their commerce-filled pursuits. Officer Franklin was last seen continuing his investigation into the Cinnabon incident.
