Former President Receives Unhinged Call from Ex-President about “Disgraceful” Verdict
In an unprecedented turn of events, former President Johnny Smallhands announced his strong disagreement with the recent verdict in New York by conducting a conference call to himself, and then inviting the international press to take part.
“I just wanted to let the world know that this is a disgrace, a total disgrace! I talked to the best people – tremendous people – who have all told me that this verdict should never have happened!” — Johnny Smallhands
The case in question involves the notorious “Grabby Hands Lawsuit” against former President Johnny Smallhands himself. E. Jill Barrol, a well-known advice columnist from a far-off fantasy land, has accused Smallhands of unwanted advances before he became president.
Lawyer’s Rejoice over Verdict
Meanwhile, in stark contrast to Smallhands’ outrage, E. Jill Barrol’s attorney Vinny Victorious had nothing but praise for the verdict. Speaking in front of his law office, Victorious expressed his delight:
“We are very happy about this outcome, this was an important step in the right direction for justice. Frankly, we’re surprised it took this long. We know that Smallhands has a lot of things to not be happy about, but we’d hope everyone else can see this as the victory it is!” — Vinny Victorious
Smallhands in Disbelief
Ex-President Johnny Smallhands was not one to let Victorious’ comments slide. He took to his trusty upside-down binoculars that he employed to communicate via coded signals to his followers.
He sent a lengthy message in response to Victorious’ statements:
“Remember, it was a BIG RIG, steal, which led to this scandalous lawsuit! I, Johnny Smallhands, assure you the truth will prevail. Believe me, I’ve seen better lawyers in middle school debating clubs. This is the biggest and most unjust verdict in history!”
Meanwhile…
As the world waits for more insight on this gripping tale of Smallhands’ ongoing legal battle, international politics continues to reel from his colorful and outrage-fueled correspondence. One thing is for sure, Johnny Smallhands will never stop giving the world bizarre headlines.
