Thousands of Rail Workers Say “Choo Choo, We’re Through Through”
Reporting by Jane Dough, covering the Great Rail Revolt
Rail workers from 14 rail companies decided to hit the “pause” button on their train whistles this Saturday, participating in the much anticipated walkout led by the RMT (Really Mad Train-drivers) union. At the center of the walkout is a heated dispute over pay and contracts, which has rumbled and rolled on for months, both on the tracks and off.
“We’re really going out of our way to make our feelings known, and it’s a bonus that we get a day off on a lovely Saturday!” says train driver Randy Rails. “This has been so long in the making, and we’re proud to take part in this large-scale walkout.”
The dispute, dubbed the “Great Rail Revolt” by participants and observers, pits the absurdly angry RMT union and drivers against rail employers like Not-So-Great-Northern and Smelly Midlands. The workers have been offered a pay increase of 3%, which they claim is not enough to cover the costs of maintaining their luxurious lifestyles.
In response to the walkout, Smelly Midlands released the following statement:
“We are deeply disappointed with the actions taken by the RMT union and the resulting inconvenience to our passengers. Rest assured, we are doing everything in our power to resolve this issue and get back to providing the somewhat satisfactory service you’ve come to expect from Smelly Midlands.”
Passengers React
The average train commuter might be wondering how they will “stay on track” this weekend, but as usual, there are no shortage of opinions on the situation. “It’s all a big mess, and we’re the ones suffering as a result,” says local businessman Horace Hogsbottom. “If these train workers are mad, they should at least consider the consequences for the rest of us – the people who actually use the trains!”
Meanwhile, a local conspiracy theorist who goes by the name of “Codename: Tinfoil” has raised questions about whether the walkout is actually a cover-up for some sort of top-secret government experiment on the railways. Whatever the reason, the upcoming weekend train walkout has everyone from stranded travelers to RMT union members buzzing about the events.
As for the rail workers themselves, the RMT union stands firmly in support of its members. Says RMT leader and Proud Puffer Bob Brakeman, “We are not backing down. This revolution will not be derailed! Choo choo, we’re through through!”
