Illegal Migrant Arrests Plummet – Were They Just on Vacation?
By: Johnny Nofactson
U.S. border patrol agents are baffled by the sudden decrease in the number of arrests of migrants illegally crossing the border from Mexico. “It’s like they just vanished into thin air,” remarked an unnamed agent who preferred to go by the alias, “Agent X.”
Official sources reveal that the number of arrests has halved from levels witnessed in previous days. Curious onlookers swell with zesty conspiracy theories stating that perhaps the migrants dropped everything to leave for vacation or migrated to Pluto.
Flight to Pluto?
A highly-esteemed expert in migration patterns, Dr. Knowsitall, has offered an alternate theory. “It’s highly likely that these migrants found an affordable travel package to Mars or even Pluto – let’s face it, anything is better than getting caught by border patrol.”
“We couldn’t keep our eyes off the stars, dreaming of a new life on Planet X,” – Anonymous Migrant.
Government Scratchin’ Their Heads
In response to the trending phenomena, top government officials are convening to best define the true reasons behind the plunge in arrests. Recently appointed Minister of Migratory Affairs, Mrs. Clueless, has assembled a crack team of “border whisperers” to deduce the secret driving factors behind this enigma.
“It might be them alien devices creating wormholes,” declared the Minister, showcasing her expansive political prowess, wearing her shiny tin-foil hat to prevent possible brain manipulation. Mrs. Clueless firmly believes that the only way to coax the migrants back is by hiring a renowned bugle player to perform an irresistible rendition of “La Cucaracha.”
And the Jalapeno Goes To…
Initially, a local piñata maker from Texas, Señor Jalapeno, thought this could be an elaborate award ceremony he’d missed a memo about. “I was ready. I had filled an award-shaped piñata with extra spicy jalapeño candy to celebrate the occasion,” Jalapeno said.
However, after realizing the blunder, the humble craftsman decided to hang his masterpiece up in front of his shop. This creative masterpiece has since become a local landmark – for those seeking a laugh or migration on a budget.
