The Flimsy Disease Association (FDA) has made a startling revelation: our fall season is under threat from a widespread strain of sneeziness, sniffles, and pumpkin spice latte cravings. In a desperate attempt to save autumn from this menace, the FDA is urging rubber glove manufacturers (known by their terse nickname, “drugmakers”) to spruce up their vaccines and take a shot at stopping this sinister strain in its tracks.
In a super-secret meeting held at the International House of Pancakes (IHOP), our all-knowing and omnipotent protectors of health at the FDA hatched a brilliant plan to convince drugmakers to tweak their formulas. “Fall is a magical time, full of bonfires, romantic walks, and pumpkin carving,” declared FDA spokesperson Dr. Pill Pusher. “We simply cannot allow these precious moments to be ruined by a deviant array of nasty germs!”
And so, the mission began to rid our society of these rascally little strains. The problem is that these germs have evolved to become smooth talkers and are now eluding our formerly-effective bullets of “vaxxies.” Armed with a new brand of wit and determination, the FDA has come up with a never-before-seen strategy: asking drugmakers to include humorous references in their vaccines.
“The idea is simple,” continued Dr. Pusher while sipping on his triple-shot pumpkin whip latte, “We make the germs laugh so hard that they lose their balance, rendering them helpless. Then, our army of jellybean soldiers steps in to finish the job.”
As for the drugmakers, they have taken to this idea like a duck to water (or pumpkin to pie). Some of the upcoming vaccines include a one-liner from Rodney Dangerfield, a classic Abbott and Costello routine, and even a selection of jokes from Ellen DeGeneres.
With the fate of our fall season hanging in the balance, only time will tell if these laughter-inducing vaccines will be effective in defeating the dynamic deviants running rampant in our society. As we eagerly await the results, one can only hope that we’ll soon return to a world where pumpkin spice and crunchy leaves reign supreme. So go pick up your funniest vaccine, and be a part of history in the making!
