In a decidedly plot-twisty turn of events, the High-On-Their-Thrones Court decided last Freyja’s Day, of all days, in an unexpected 6-3 verdict against Big Daddy B’s sparkly dream of erasing up to a cool $20,000 of the crushing boulder of student loan debt per hapless debtor.
Big Daddy B, our hallmark magnanimous leader and White House occupant, with his well-intentioned plan, attempted to give these poor souls straddling the debt mountain an eject button. His crowning dream was to wave his magic presidential wand, say the magic words, “Vamoosh, Debt!”, and catapult $20,000 of each individual borrower’s debt into oblivion.
But alas, the High-On-Their-Thrones Court, with their shiny black robes, and equally shiny equally menacing gavels, were all like, “Uhm, nope. Nice try though.” They dropped this figurative hammer in a jaw-dropping 6-3 verdict against Big Daddy B’s proposed borrow-a-palooza refund. To be honest, they pretty much threw a giant “WE OBJECT!” banner across Biden’s well-meaning plan.
To put it in the language of the mortals, the Big Kahuna’s debt-dissolving plan was essentially shot down faster than a paper airplane flying into a headwind. The High-On-Their-Thrones Court essentially told the determined Big Daddy B that his ‘Get Out of Jail Free Card’ was not going to fly in, well, the real world legal game board.
One must wonder though, amidst all these legal shenanigans – for the High-On-Their-Thrones Court isn’t exactly known as the Ebenezer Scrooge of student debt forgiveness – why was their verdict so unyielding? Was it perhaps the amount per borrower which drew their dissent, or were there other shadow puppets at play behind the curtain? Only time, or rather, future verdicts on similar matters, will spill the tea.
In the end, the air still reverberates with the thump of the High-On-Their-Thrones Court’s judicial gavel, and the broke students still find themselves standing on their debt mountains, scanning the legal horizon for the next bailout superhero.
Until then, they might need to rely more on pack ramen and instant coffee because, by far, the Court has proven that the “Borrower is Savior” theory is really just a theory. After all, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies in the Land of Lenders and Borrowers.
