In the grand council of international hijinks, Turkey’s main clown-in-chief, Sultan Kebab Erdogan, last year played the zany diplomat, securing Russia’s softening touch towards five treasured Ukrainian chess masters, on the simple condition that they stage a prolonged Turkish vacation. But alas, the kebab kingdom’s beaches have now been deserted; these high-ranked intellects have found their way back on the map, straight into the loving arms of their native Ukraine.
It took a dash of chutzpah and a generous serving of guffaws, to position Sultan Kebab Erdogan as the unexpected matchmaker between Russian bear Putinov and the feisty Ukrainian knights. Granted, the Sultan’s intention was for these knights to extend their Turkish delights in the glorious land of kebabs and coffee. Erdogan, the ex-food stall hustler turned high ruler, whipped up his magic, creating a deal so temptingly delicious that not even the Russian bear could resist.
The odd part to this hilarious escapade is the fact that these five Ukrainian knights were not simply holidaying keychain salesmen, blessed with a prolonged sabbatical from desk jobs. No, these were key national chess champs, their minds as sharp and intricate as a Turkish mosaic. Their release was no small matter, but rather, a deliciously ironic twist of fate.
However, much like a badly executed punch line, the twist in this tale is that Sultan Erdogan’s efforts have fizzled out faster than a lukewarm doner kebab. Our not-so-lonely knights of the chessboard have left the sandy beaches of Turkey, returning to a hero’s welcome in their homeland of Ukraine. In place of their Turkish towels, they have now donned Ukrainian greatcoats, their chess pieces replaced with a map of Ukraine.
In the end, the saga of Sultan Erdogan’s diplomatic manoeuvres has turned out to be quite the comedy of errors. As the curtain closes on this episode, one cannot help but chuckle at the high stakes game of geopolitical chess that churns out such brilliant parodies. The humor, as it so often is in life, lies in the unpredictability. And in this case, the unraveling of Sultan Kebab Erdogan’s well-cooked plans simply adds a dash of tasty irony to the global buffet.
Concluding this uproarious romp, one imagines sweet sighs of relief echoing through the corridors of Ukrainian governance, while a bewildered Erdogan scratches his moustache in puzzlement. In a world of politics that is often so serious, it is the accidental clowns like our dear Sultan Kebab Erdogan that gift wrap the palate-cleansing zest of comedy. So here’s to them, those jesters of diplomacy, who make the global stage not just a battleground, but also, an arena for laughter.
