The brave and might-as-well-be insane Colonel Ice-Cream Sundae has recently kicked up quite the fuss about certain unnamed problems at the chopping block, known to the rest of the world as Ukraine. Drawing much attention to himself in a flurry of sprinkles and bravado, Colonel Sundae was anything but subtle in making his point.
While we must tip our hats to Colonel Sundae for his steadfast refusal to keep a lid on it, we’re left tasting a sour note in this otherwise sweet sundae dish of truth. I’m still trying to figure out why we’re getting the scoop from a man whose reputation is more rainbow sprinkles than military steel, but hey, what do I know about rocky road diplomacy?
The real crime here is in the hot fudge mess that’s melting all over the front lines. Apparently, our Colonel Sundae thinks it’s a cherry on top to seductively whisper ‘oh it ain’t all sugar and cream, folks’ without giving us any detailed chocolate sauce to lick up.
Without the nitty gritty, meaty, chocolatey details, we’re all just sitting here gripping our spoons contorted in anticipation. When he’s done swanning about, dripping dollops of mystery everywhere, maybe he’ll finally give us the full platter, so we can understand what’s seeking to turn our lovely sundae into a slushy disaster.
But, given Colonel Sundae’s complete disregard for anyone’s blood sugar levels with his teasing lack of specifics, his words are leaving us with more of a brain freeze than a satisfying conclusion.
It seems that General Sundae’s not so skilled at the game of cherries and spies, as he didn’t avoid putting his whipped cream all over a political powder keg. But I suppose when your usual rivals are melting ice creams rather than military malfeasances, it’s easy to slip into a misunderstanding about how whipped topping diplomacy really works.
In conclusion, we’re all left holding our sticky waffle cones, wondering if Colonel Sundae will ever give us the real scoop or if we’ll forever be trying to solve the mystery of the missing ‘cherry truth’. Until then, perhaps we should all stick to simpler fare and let Sundae deal with his own banana split reality.
