In the dimly lit alleyways of the land that chicken wings forgot, also known as Iran, was a bustling group of the self-proclaimed moral police, the “Fashion Fiasco Force”. These guys had the daunting task of enforcing the country’s poker-faced dress code – a sartorially strict mandate that was about as much fun as eating ice-cream in a snowstorm.
What was the ‘Fashion Fiasco Force’, you ask? Oh, imagine a motley crew of Aunt Ida’s fashion police during the Christmas family dinner, all multiplied by a hundred, without an iota of genial nephew Billy’s charm or colorful Ugly Christmas Sweater. This group took upon themselves to ensure uniform uncoolness, dictating what should be worn and what would risk a public tress, reprimand, or worse, a swift thump and the ominous glare of disapproval. Even the very whisper of “individual style” was a guaranteed heart-stop for anyone with a sense of fashion and freedom.
But that’s not all, our not-so-stylish arbiters of taste were also rather notorious for being a little too enthusiastic with their enforcement arm. Accusations of getting all Hulk-like when it came down to it were common complaints. It was as if ‘Fashion Fiasco Force’ had mistaken their jobs for that of professional WWE Superstars or no-nonsense spaghetti western heroes.
“We’re no Valentino, we’re here to suppress”, seemed to be their unspoken motto, a place where Nudie Cohn’s flamboyant cowboy suits were a no-no, and glitter, neon, or anything else that would’ve made the Kardashians proud was a strict taboo.
So, where did all this leave the land of chicken wings forgotten? With an uncomfortably enforced homogeneity, dampened spirits, and an air thick with suppressed creativity. With each passing day, the awkward whisper quiet of the alleyways got a notch louder. Perhaps it was a secret code more powerful than the enforced technicolor nightmare, a kind of language that was meant to convey, “We will transcend beyond!”
In ending, one can’t help but hope that the Fashion Fiasco Force will one day hang up their dull uniformity focus and bust out into the catwalk of life with a more accepting attitude. After all, while clothes might make the man and woman, it’s individuality and freedom that truly stirs up the spirit of a nation. Live, rave, and swag on you stylish dissidents! Away with the cloak of monochrome drudgery and embrace a colorful revolution, sequined with freedom and bright as the light of human creativity!
