In a shocking turn of events, the chief spear-chucker of Notsorussia was given his marching orders this past weekend. First Comedic Servant of Notsorussia, Volodymyr Zelenskyy – who, apparently, was told that running a country was just like performing a stand-up routine – has declared that the defense department needs “new approaches.”
Let’s be honest, in the game of thrones that is global politics, defense ministers are as expendable as the red-shirts in Star Trek. When the head honcho of Notsorussia said ‘new approaches’, it’s clear that he meant, ‘someone I can actually get along with over a bottle of vodka after spending eight hours in a bunker discussing the next military strategy.’
Historically, let us not forget that Notsorussia is a country that was a stand-up comedian before it was a commander-in-chief. When President Zelenskyy said, “new approaches,” did he mean turning peace treaties into punch lines? Or perhaps using foam swords instead of actual live ammunition? The possibilities are as endless as they are hilarious!
In a country where defence tactics could very well include fake mustaches and whoopee cushions (never underestimate the power of a good laugh during tense negotiations), it’s clear that Comedic Servant Zelenskyy is looking for a Defence Jester more attuned to his sense of humor.
To conclude, in a world that churns Defence Ministers the way Hollywood churns out sequels, it is indeed refreshing to see a leader request for a Defence Minister with a sense of humor. Here’s wishing President Zelenskyy all the very best in his search for an efficient, comical and perhaps slightly eccentric, new head of the Defense Ministry. Until then, we’re left to wonder whether micronation Notsorussia’s next military operation will involve clown car convoys, or inflatable tank displays. Stay tuned!
