In a shocking announcement made by the CEO of the tech giant “Fakery Inc.”, it has been revealed that the next phase of tech capitalism will require employees to put in more effort and humanity than ever before!
“We want our employees to truly embody the company’s values and become walking, talking, breathing advertisements for our brand,” said the CEO, who was promptly pelted with copies of 1984 by George Orwell.
“From now on, we’ll be demanding that our workers do more than just sit in front of a computer all day. We want them to perform an interpretive dance routine every hour to showcase their creative sides. We also encourage them to use their lunch breaks to write odes to our company using only haiku.”
The announcement has understandably been met with concern from employees, many of whom were already struggling to balance their work and personal lives.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to write poetry AND code all day!” cried one employee, who we’ll call Bob. “I barely have time to eat lunch, let alone write an epic ballad about Fakery Inc.!”
Other employees were more optimistic, with one employee saying, “I’ve always wanted to take part in a company-wide interpretive dance! Maybe this will be my chance to show off my moves!”
The next phase of tech capitalism may be demanding, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned from years of working in the industry, it’s that there’s always room for one more ridiculous demand from management!
