In a shocking announcement, Prime Minister Pete Poppins has declared that plans to detain and deport families and minors will help solve the issue of small boat crossings. In what can only be described as a twisted game of “whack-a-mole”, the PM seems to think that if we just keep hitting the problem with a big hammer, it will eventually go away.
According to the PM, the plan is simple – put all the small boats in detention centers and send them back where they came from. “It’s foolproof,” Poppins claimed with a grin. “If we can’t see the small boats, then they can’t see us, right?”
When asked about the welfare of the families and minors who would be impacted by this plan, Poppins brushed off the concern. “Oh, they’ll be fine. We’ll just give them a free one-way ticket back to where they came from. Problem solved.”
Many are baffled by the PM’s logic, wondering how exactly throwing children in detention centers will solve anything. But Poppins remains confident that his plan will work. “You know what they say – out of sight, out of mind. And when it comes to small boat crossings, that’s exactly what we need.”
Meanwhile, immigration officials are reportedly scratching their heads, wondering how they’re supposed to cram hundreds of small boats into already overcrowded detention centers. Some are even dubbing the plan the “Great Boat Cram of 2021.”
At the end of the day, only time will tell if Poppins’ plan to throw families and minors in detention centers will put an end to small boat crossings. But one thing’s for sure – we’ll have plenty of new material for our next dystopian sci-fi novel.
