In a surprise twist to the usual growth patterns, new census figures have revealed that it’s the suburbs and smaller metro areas that are booming with growth in the U.S. from mid-2021 to mid-2022. Experts are unsure whether this is due to people’s desire for more space, quieter surroundings, or simply a newfound appreciation for Home Depot.
Suburbs and smaller metro areas everywhere are rejoicing at this newfound recognition of their worth. So much so that the tiny town of Noodleburg has already declared itself the new capital of the United States.
“We are thrilled to finally be recognized for our undeniable charm and appeal,” said Noodleburg’s mayor, Jane McFluffington. “We may not have the big city buildings or the flashy lights, but we do have a really great frozen yogurt shop and a world-renowned tapestry museum.”
Other towns across the country are also celebrating their newfound fame. The town of Banana Cove, known for its abundance of banana trees and lack of cohesive roadways, is planning on hosting its first-ever banana-themed festival. And in the town of Gravytown, whose primary export is, you guessed it, gravy, there are rumors of a gravy fountain being built in the town square.
Even the bigger cities are feeling the effects of this “suburban surge.” City dwellers are reportedly flocking to Home Depot in droves, citing a newfound appreciation for DIY projects and the need for 50-pound bags of fertilizer.
“We used to spend our weekends at the club or seeing a show,” said former city resident, Chad McNugget. “But now we’re all about planting our own vegetables and building a chicken coop in the backyard. It’s the simple life, you know?”
Whether this trend continues to grow or not remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure – the suburbs and smaller metro areas have officially come out of hiding and are ready to take on the world. Or at least the frozen yogurt and tapestry museum scene.
