In a shocking turn of events, the United States Census Bureau has revealed that the country’s population has shifted towards suburbs and smaller metro areas in the past year. The news has left city-dwellers feeling like they’ve been left behind in the big city hustle and bustle.
According to the report, Planktonville, a suburb located just an hour’s drive from the city center, has seen the largest growth in the country. Residents of Planktonville are reportedly feeling pretty smug about the news, with one local resident, Betty Squidward, saying “We always knew it was just a matter of time before everyone realized the appeal of suburbia.”
Another suburban town, Snailbury, has also seen a remarkably high population growth rate. Snailbury Mayor Gary Gastropod, who was clearly feeling pretty pleased with himself, credited the town’s growth to their “delightful” farmers market and “charming” Main Street.
Meanwhile, the news hasn’t gone down so well with some of the country’s larger cities. “This is an absolute outrage,” fumed New York City Mayor, Bill de Blasio. “We have the world’s best pizza, the tallest buildings, and the most crowded subways. How could anyone choose to live anywhere else?”
Despite the backlash from city officials, it seems that America’s love affair with the suburbs is here to stay. In fact, the Census Bureau predicts that the trend will continue in the coming years, with more and more Americans opting for white picket fences and cul-de-sacs over skyscrapers and taxi horns.
So, what does the future hold for American cities? Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure – if Planktonville continues its growth at this rate, we might soon be hearing about their very own Broadway show or Michelin-starred restaurants.
