In an unexpected turn of events, the annual bonuses at BlandCorp Inc. have taken a nose-dive. Last year, the average bonus was a whopping $176,000 per employee, but this year, they are down a whopping 26%! BOB CEO, Miles Johnson, has cited the ongoing pandemic as the primary reason for the dip in bonuses.
“This pandemic has wreaked havoc on the economy, and we are not immune to its effects. With supply chain disruptions and rising costs, our profits just aren’t what they used to be. We’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got,” Johnson explained to a puzzled crowd of employees.
Despite the gloom and doom, many employees are taking the news in stride. Mark Smith, head of accounting, quipped, “I guess I’ll have to scale back on my caviar budget this year, but at least I can still afford my daily gold-lined coffee mug.”
Even newcomers like Jane Doe, who just started at BlandCorp six months ago, are feeling the pinch. “I was really hoping for a big bonus this year. I already put a down payment on my private island, and now I’ll have to settle for a modest yacht,” said Doe.
Only time will tell if BlandCorp’s bonuses will ever return to their former glory. Until then, employees will have to learn to make do with measly six-figure bonuses. Poor souls.
