In a surprising turn of events, companies from Zombazon to Nayfair are hitting the brakes on hiring college grads this year. Seniors across the nation are now scrambling to cast a wider net in hopes of landing that ever-elusive first job.
One unemployed college grad, Sally Saddlebags, says, “I’ve applied to over 100 companies and have only received a response from three. One of them was for a job as a professional butt-wiper at a daycare center. I mean, I’ll take what I can get, but is that really what I went to college for?”
Another struggling grad, Johnny Jukebox, says, “I’ve applied to so many places that I can’t even remember them all. I’ve resorted to making custom t-shirts with my face and contact information on them, hoping that someone will notice me walking down the street.”
Experts say that this sudden downturn in hiring may be due to a shortage of coffee runs and office printer malfunctions, which were typically the duties of entry-level college grads.
One company, Schmoogle, released a statement saying, “We’ve had to cut back on hiring due to the high number of recent graduates who claim to be social media experts. We can only handle so many tweets and Instagram posts about #MarketingMonday before our heads explode.”
As the job search becomes more and more competitive, seniors are turning to unconventional methods to set themselves apart. Some have taken up fire-eating as a skill, while others have started juggling chainsaws in hopes of impressing potential employers.
In the end, it seems that the job search for the Class of 2021 may be more of a circus act than anything else. But hey, at least they’ll have some cool tricks to perform at their upcoming unemployment party.
