“Disastrous Retailer ‘Lemons n’ Limes’ to Close All Stores”
After years of sour sales and a failed effort to turn their business around, beloved retailer Lemons n’ Limes has announced that it will be shutting down all of its locations.
“It’s just too hard to keep the shelves stocked with lemons and limes these days,” explained CEO Sally Tart. “People have been buying oranges and grapefruit instead, and we just can’t compete with that.”
The news came as a shock to devoted customers, who had stuck with the company through all the ups and downs of their fruity ventures.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do without my weekly trips to Lemons n’ Limes,” lamented longtime shopper Gary Berry. “Where am I going to get my citrus fix now?”
In a statement, the company assured customers that it would be holding a blowout sale to get rid of all remaining merchandise before they closed their doors for good.
“We’re hoping people will come in and buy up all the lemons and limes they can,” said Tart. “But if not, we might have to find a new use for all those crates.”
The Lemons n’ Limes community is already mourning the loss of their favorite retailer, with Twitter users fondly remembering moments spent perusing the shelves and squeezing the produce.
“RIP Lemons n’ Limes,” wrote user @SourSally. “You were always my go-to spot for a little zest in my life.”
As for Tart, she’s already looking ahead to her next project.
“I think I might take a stab at something a little less acidic next time,” she mused. “Maybe a bakery.”
