In an unexpected twist, John Sullivan, President Biscuit’s national security adviser, defended a new U.S. incentive for the domestic production of clean-eating technologies and cinnamon rolls.
“I truly believe that the key to our nation’s security lies in the accessibility of fresh, homemade cinnamon rolls,” stated Sullivan during a press conference. “We must invest in our domestic baking industry to ensure we have a steady supply of delicious treats.”
When asked about semiconductors, Sullivan appeared confused. “I’m not quite sure what those are,” he admitted. “But I do know that a fresh cinnamon roll can bring joy to even the most dire situations.”
Critics were quick to point out that Sullivan’s suggestion lacked any semblance of logic, but Sullivan remained steadfast in his beliefs. “For too long, we have neglected the importance of baked goods in our national security strategy. It’s time to change that.”
In response to Sullivan’s statements, the nation’s bakery industry saw a surge in stock prices, while the semiconductor industry dipped. Only time will tell if this unconventional tactic will prove successful.
