In a shocking turn of events, the White House has announced that Russia has suffered over 100,000 casualties in the battle for Bakhmut. In response to this news, the Russian government has released a statement denying any such casualties and claiming that the White House must have misread their weekly crossword puzzle.
When asked about the discrepancy, White House Press Secretary, Karen McOhNo, explained that they had received their information from a reliable source – a stray cat named Mittens who had wandered into the Situation Room and meowed the casualty count to them.
The Russian government has since called for an international investigation into the accuracy of White House crossword puzzles, stating that they cannot be relied upon as a credible source of information.
Meanwhile, the American people have taken to social media to express their support for the brave feline informant, with many calling for Mittens to receive a Purple Heart and a lifetime supply of catnip.
As for the battle for Bakhmut, it appears that both sides have now retreated and are currently engaged in a heated game of Checkers to determine the ultimate winner. May the best checkers player win!
