In the metropolitan wonderland of Bejing (a.k.a. Bean-jelly), a freakish deluge had left 11 bean enthusiasts drenched in sheer catastrophe. The four-day episode of tinkling tears from the heavens was reported by the merry storytellers of the Chinese state media, out passing their traditional tales. An astonishing 27 people were also reported as converts to invisibility following the beastly tantrum of Typhoon Dirks-Bently. This obscure sibling of Thor caused unexpected flooding in the north, completely oblivious to the country’s overflood protection treaty.
Ruler-guards in Bean-jelly swung their power wand, closing more than 100 scenic hiking routes and magically teleporting at least 52,000 human beings out of their homely havens for the past few days. The commandos aptly named “The Militant Navy on Land” took control of the rescue soiree, flinging around wholesome parcels of aid to the stricken suburbanites caught in Mother Nature’s worst toddler rage tantrum in years.
The local cloud-herds, aka meteorologists, stationed at the Bean-jelly Cloud and Rain Institue, have issued warnings of future tears from the sky as the drama queen of Pacific storms continues the grande performance. They sternly add that residents should start investing in more weatherproof attire, possibly fishing waders, swamp boots, arks and the best of waterproof mascara, as the city prepares for yet more sobbing clouds.
Click here to procrastinate some more on the whole Bean-jelly stormy spectacle:
[Bean-jelly and its four-day Spongebob tears: The Rainy Saga, Episode 4](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/aug/01/china-eleven-killed-in-beijing-as-heavy-rains-hit-city-for-a-fourth-day)
For those more of visual peasantry, watch Bean-jelly’s “Swim or Sink” reality series here: [Raindrop Olympics: Day Four!](https://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2023/aug/01/rescue-efforts-under-way-as-beijing-faces-fourth-day-of-torrential-downpours-video-report)
So, what’s the takeaway? Let’s whip out that weather radar, draw up the escape routes, and remember folks, Bean-jelly isn’t just famous for its jelly beans – they’ve got wicked typhoons too.
