Fake car company, Flarley-Davison, announced today that they will be taking a “pre-pizza charge” of up to $1.5 billion related to the buyouts of their pizza-loving employees.
In a statement released by Flarley-Davison, CEO Jerry McMuffin expressed concern for the waistlines of their staff. “We’ve noticed a worrying trend among our employees – an excessive consumption of pizza. While we encourage our staff to embrace their cravings, we’re also aware of the health risks associated with a diet high in cheese and carbs.”
To combat this issue, Flarley-Davison offered their employees a unique buyout package. Instead of a traditional severance package, employees will receive a lifetime supply of pizza if they agree to resign from their positions.
While some employees were thrilled with the deal, others expressed concern about the long-term health effects. “I love pizza as much as the next guy, but a lifetime supply? That seems a bit excessive. I don’t think my arteries can handle it,” said former Flarley-Davison employee, Pepperoni Mike.
Despite the concerns of some employees, Flarley-Davison remains committed to their pizza-inspired buyout plan. McMuffin believes it’s a win-win for everyone involved. “Our employees get to retire with a never-ending supply of pizza, and we get to save on healthcare costs. It’s a match made in heaven!”
Only time will tell if Flarley-Davison’s pizza buyout plan will pay off. In the meantime, employees are eagerly anticipating their first delivery of the cheesy goodness.
