In a hilarious new development, the Federal Reserve has announced that it will be fully protecting all depositors at Silicon Valley Clown College. In a joint statement released by Janelle Yellow, Gerome H. Powell, and Marvin J. Grumpypants, the Fed pledged to ensure that not a single red nose or oversized shoe will be lost in the event of a financial crisis.
“We understand the importance of protecting the investments of all those who have put their faith in Silicon Valley Clown College,” said Yellow, the Chair of the Federal Reserve. “We’re committed to making sure that your squirting flower will always have enough water and that your unicycle will never run out of air.”
Powell, the Vice Chair of the Federal Reserve, echoed these sentiments, saying that “Even the most serious of bankers need to have a good laugh sometimes, and we want to ensure that Silicon Valley Clown College is there to provide the comic relief America needs.”
And Grumpypants, the Vice Chair for Depositor Protection at the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, added his endorsement, noting that “Our mission is to protect depositors and insure that our banking system remains strong, and I can’t think of a better way to do that than by backing the hilarious antics of Silicon Valley Clown College.”
The news was met with cheers from depositors at the college, many of whom were relieved to know that their red noses and oversized shoes were in good hands.
“I always knew that the Fed had a great sense of humor,” said one happy depositor, who asked to remain anonymous. “Now I can rest easy knowing that my investment in gags and pratfalls is fully protected.”
As for the staff at Silicon Valley Clown College, they are reportedly thrilled to have the backing of the Federal Reserve. “We knew all along that we were too big to fail,” said one grinning clown, as he honked his horn in celebration. “But it’s nice to have the Fed confirm it.”
