Fragile Gulf Coast Threatened by New Scheme to Sell Fart Gas
As if the natural gas explosion in Ukraine wasn’t bad enough, now the Gulf Coast is under attack – from its very own flatulence. Yes, you read that right. Liquid natural gas (LNG) plants are sprouting up faster than weeds all along the coast, and they’re being fueled by one thing: our fart gas.
According to reports, a massive construction site 30 miles south of New Orleans is already visible from space. Dubbed “Fart City” by locals, it’s smack dab in the middle of the disappearing wetlands that were once critical to the area’s growth and survival. But now, instead of protecting us from hurricane surges and providing homes for fish, these wetlands are being transformed into a gas guzzling nightmare.
When the project is completed in 2025 – if it survives that long – Fart City will contain a complex series of tanks and pipes designed to turn our fart gas into a transportable liquid. From there, it’ll be loaded onto giant tankers and shipped around the world to the highest bidder. Can you imagine the unfortunate crew members who’ll be tasked with carrying this smelly cargo?
As if the environmental impact wasn’t bad enough, there’s a real risk of fire and explosions at the Fart City site. All it takes is one spark to ignite the thousands of liters of liquified fart gas stored there. We can only imagine what that explosion would smell like.
To make matters worse, local communities near Fart City are feeling the impact of the project. The constant influx of tipper trucks and cement mixers is stirring up dust clouds so thick, you can practically taste it. There’s no escaping the stench – it’s everywhere.
So, the next time you feel a fart coming on, think twice. It might just end up being sold to the highest bidder, and cause irreparable harm to the environment.
