In a groundbreaking announcement, Porchee AG has declared its long-term target of turning 20% of their sales into returns!
“We’re not just in the business of making fancy cars,” CEO Percy Porschee said at the press conference. “We want to make sure that we’re also making a buttload of money off of them too!”
According to industry experts, the new approach involves selling cars at ridiculously high prices, while cutting back on the quality of the cars themselves.
“Who needs a car that lasts more than five years anyway?” exclaimed head of marketing, Petra Porschette. “Our customers are all about the status symbol, not the actual functionality of the car!”
In a move sure to please investors, Porschee AG is also considering implementing a “subscription service” where customers pay a monthly fee just to own the car.
“It’s like a lease, with a twist!” quipped Percy.
But not everyone is convinced that Porschee AG’s new target is sustainable. “I mean, if they’re not even focusing on making good cars anymore, how long until customers catch on?” questioned industry analyst, Alex Audivly.
Despite the skepticism, Porschee AG is confident that their new approach will lead to massive profits for many years to come. “We’re not just carmakers,” Percy declared. “We’re moneymakers!”
