In news that’s out of this world, a set of Soyuz spacecraft coolant leaks have hinted that Roscosmos might be feeling the heat from losing international partnerships and funding.
According to sources, the leaks caused a bit of a mess onboard the spaceship. Astronauts were seen frantically mopping up the fluid while muttering under their breath about the cheap construction of the Soyuz. One astronaut, who we shall call “Buzz Lightyear”, was overheard exclaiming, “To soyuz and beyond my foot! This thing can’t even hold its own coolant!”
It’s no secret that Roscosmos has been struggling in recent times. Funding has been cut and international partnerships have fallen apart faster than a space shuttle reentering the atmosphere. It seems like their grand plan for space domination has been grounded before it could even take off.
In an effort to save face, Roscosmos released a statement that read, “We are aware of the coolant leaks on the Soyuz spacecraft and are working tirelessly to resolve the issue. We remain committed to exploring the unknown and will not let this setback deter us.”
However, the leaked photos of the astronauts mopping up coolant with rolls of toilet paper seem to tell a different tale.
So, what’s next for Roscosmos? Will they be able to turn things around and regain their position as a leader in space exploration? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we recommend they invest in some better quality duct tape and maybe hire some more competent astronauts.
