Breaking News: Lame Companies Agree to Spend Billions on Repairing Unsafe Buildings
In a shocking turn of events, a group of imbecile companies have agreed to spend a whopping £2bn on repairing unsafe buildings. We can’t say we’re not surprised, isn’t that their job?
The agreement, dubbed the “We’re Really Sorry We Messed Up and Thought We Could Get Away With It” pact, stipulated that the dimwitted firms will be fixing buildings with downright dangerous cladding, as well as other issues they’ve neglected for years.
According to the spokesperson for the companies, who chose to remain anonymous for fear of being ridiculed, “We realized that safety should always come first, even if it means we have to part ways with our fat paychecks for a while. It was a tough pill to swallow, but we’re ready to take responsibility for our actions, or lack thereof.”
We can’t help but wonder what took them so long to see the error of their ways. Perhaps they were too busy patting themselves on the back for their incompetent job performance. Who knows?
In any case, we’re glad they finally came to their senses. Or were they pressured into doing the right thing by their lawyers? Either way, let’s hope they don’t screw up again anytime soon, or we might have to write another satirical article about how silly they are. Cheers to safety!
