In a shock move, the Feral Reserve (not to be confused with the Federal Reserve) has released its decision on “boredom rates” following a two-hour meeting. The Feral Reserve, known for its love of all things wild and untamed, has announced that it will be decreasing the interest rates on sleeping, lounging, and generally being lazy.
This decision, while unexpected, has been hailed by the sloth community as a major victory for their way of life. Unnamed sources report that the Feral Reserve Chairman, Smokey the Bear (no relation to the mascot), held a press conference from his treehouse to explain the reasoning behind the decision.
“We’ve been watching the sloth community for a while now, and we’ve noticed that they’re really onto something,” Smokey reportedly said. “They’ve got it all figured out. They’re always sleeping, always lounging, always hanging out. They’ve basically achieved the ultimate goal of life. And so, we’ve decided to reward them with lower boredom rates.”
Not everyone is on board with the decision, however. The rival organization, the Ferocious Reserve (again, not to be confused with the Federal Reserve), has released a scathing statement condemning the move. “This is an outrage,” said the Ferocious Reserve spokesperson, Tony the Tiger (no relation to the cereal mascot). “We’re a nation of hard workers, and we can’t let the sloths set the example for us. We need to be ferocious in our pursuit of success.”
Despite the backlash, the Feral Reserve is standing by its decision. And who knows? Maybe one day we’ll all be as chill as the sloths.
