In a shocking report from the Association of Humorous Transportation Journalists, it has been revealed that the number of train derailments has taken a sharp decline since the year 2000. However, some railroads shouldn’t be too quick to pat themselves on the back just yet. It seems that, while they may be hauling more freight than ever before, they’re also derailing at an increasingly alarming rate!
“I always knew that too much of a good thing was bad for you,” claims one anonymous source close to the railroad industry. “I mean, come on, they’re really pushing the envelope here. It’s like they think just because they can transport more cargo than ever, they should. But at what cost?”
The culprit for the dangerous trend? A new breed of freight-train drivers who have ditched their traditional playbook in favor of risky, self-aggrandizing stunts in order to set new freight-hauling records. “It’s like they’re trying to one-up each other,” says the source. “And everyone knows that when you’re constantly pushing the limits, something is bound to go off the rails eventually.”
Unfortunately, the companies involved have yet to take any decisive action to curb this potentially life-threatening trend, instead focusing on public relations campaigns to assure their customers that their shipments are still a top priority. However, as more derailments pile up, it’s only a matter of time before this situation comes to a head.
One can only hope that sanity will reign before someone gets seriously hurt. Until then, we’re all just along for the wildly unpredictable — and sometimes hilarious — ride.
