Swiss authorities have come forward to reveal that the collapse of U.S. regional banks played a crucial role in Credit Suisse’s near death experience. Yes, you heard that right – those small-town banks across America with names like ‘Farmers and Merchants Bank’ and ‘People’s Trust Bank’ have managed to shake the mighty Credit Suisse to its core!
Sources say that the executives at Credit Suisse were watching blockbuster movies like The Wolf of Wall Street and The Big Short, and decided to try their hand at nefarious trading practices. Little did they know that it was their love for American regional banks that would be their undoing.
Their plan was simple – invest heavily in subprime mortgage-backed securities from small-town U.S. banks and then sell them off to naïve investors. What they didn’t take into account was the fact that U.S. regional banks are about as reliable as a unicyclist on a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
When the regional banks, with names that sound like they were made up by a bored toddler, started to fold under the pressure of the housing crisis, Credit Suisse suddenly found themselves holding a bag of worthless securities. The Swiss bank was forced to write-down billions of dollars in losses and was barely able to survive the debacle.
Now, Credit Suisse is like the kid who got their lunch money stolen by the class bully – they’re licking their wounds and trying to regain their cool status in the world of finance. But let this be a lesson to all those big banks out there – never underestimate the power of a small-town bank with a silly name.
