In a shocking turn of events, the UK government has passed a bill criminalizing catcalling and following people! Yes, you heard that right folks, it’s now officially illegal to whistle at a pretty lady or stalk your ex on Instagram.
The bill is backed by the Minister of Ridiculous Ideas, Mr. Peter Puffin, who stated that “catcalling and following people is a form of harassment and is not acceptable in our society”. Thank you, Mr. Puffin, for that groundbreaking insight.
The bill was met with mixed reactions. The feminist group, The Feline Alliance, was ecstatic, and threw a giant party in front of the parliament building, complete with banners and confetti. Meanwhile, the local pub, The Drunken Donkey, was filled with old men, grumbling about how they can’t even compliment a woman without getting arrested.
But the real surprise came when the bill went to the House of Lords, and was met with opposition from Lord Fluffybutt. Yes, that’s right, Lord Fluffybutt, the nobleman with a love for cats, stood up in front of the entire house and said, “I object to this bill because my cat Sir Crumpet loves to follow me around the house. Does that mean I’m a criminal now?”
The House of Lords erupted in laughter, and even Mr. Puffin could be seen cracking a smile. But in the end, the bill passed with a majority vote, and it is now officially illegal to catcall or follow people.
So, don’t be like the old men at The Drunken Donkey and keep your compliments to yourself. And if you have a cat like Sir Crumpet, make sure to keep them on a leash!
