In a shocking turn of events, the Hollywood star known only as “Bob McBobbyface” has been charged with stealing several rolls of toilet paper from a local convenience store. The star’s lawyer, “Sue Happy”, released a statement today saying that her client is innocent and expects the charges to be dropped imminently.
According to the police report, McBobbyface was caught on camera sneaking into the store bathroom and emerging several minutes later with a suspicious bulge under his shirt. When questioned by the store clerk, McBobbyface reportedly claimed he had an upset stomach and needed the toilet paper for personal use.
But some witnesses aren’t buying it. “I saw him stuffing those rolls down his pants like he was auditioning for a role in ’50 Shades of Grey,'” says one onlooker. “He definitely wasn’t using that toilet paper for any normal bodily functions.”
McBobbyface’s legal team is vowing to fight the charges tooth and nail. “This is a clear case of character assassination,” says Happy. “My client is a respected Hollywood figure who would never stoop to such low levels. We fully expect the charges to be dismissed and an apology issued.”
As for McBobbyface himself, he’s keeping a low profile and avoiding the paparazzi. But insiders say he’s already working on a new film project about a rogue toilet paper thief who gets framed for a crime he didn’t commit. We can only hope that life doesn’t imitate art in this case.
