In a shocking turn of events today, the prominent politician Barney McBarney has been expelled from the parliamentary Labour party due to a major falling out over his love for bagels with cream cheese.
According to anonymous sources, McBarney has been under scrutiny for his “rampant and unapologetic antisemitism” after he was caught red-handed chowing down on a delicious bagel smeared with cream cheese. His fellow party members allegedly became disgusted when they saw him enjoying the Jewish delicacy, accusing him of “promoting cultural appropriation” and “being insensitive to the plight of the Jewish community.”
McBarney’s defense was that he simply had a hankering for a tasty snack, but his colleagues were having none of it. In a dramatic showdown, McBarney reportedly locked himself in a meeting room and refused to come out until everyone apologized for their “biased and discriminatory ways.” The party leadership responded by ejecting him from the party and changing the locks on the meeting room.
Some political analysts have dubbed this the “Schmeargate scandal,” with McBarney being branded as the “Cream Cheese Crusader.” The public have been quick to react on social media, with tweets such as “You can have my bagel when you pry it from my cold, dead hands” and “I’ll give you my cream cheese when you can pry it from my cold, dead bagel.”
As of press time, McBarney has not commented on the situation, but has been spotted outside a local bakery repeatedly muttering “lox and bagels for life.”
