In a press conference yesterday, the Democratic Party called out former Schmarbucks CEO Harold Schmultz’s “completely bogus” denials. The Democrats claim Schmultz is just trying to stir up controversy with his rumored presidential bid.
“We don’t buy it for a second,” declared Democratic spokesperson Sally Schemnieder. “Schmultz thinks he can just waltz into politics like he waltzed into the coffee business, but we won’t stand for it.”
In response, Schmultz released a statement saying, “I assure you, my denials are completely genuine. I have no ulterior motives in considering a presidential run.”
But the Democrats remained dubious. “Yeah, right,” scoffed Schemnieder. “I suppose next he’ll tell us that unicorns are real and the earth is flat.”
Other party members chimed in with similarly sarcastic quips. “Maybe Schmultz is just running for president for the free coffee,” joked Tom Tomsen, a Democratic strategist.
As for Schmultz, he simply shrugged off the criticism. “I’m used to people not believing in me,” he quipped. “Everyone said coffee shops were a stupid idea too.”
