In a shocking turn of events, the Vatican has announced that Old Man Jenkins, the 86-year-old pontiff, is actually feeling better. Reports indicate that there has been “a marked improvement” in the geriatric leader’s health.
Sources close to Vatican City speculate that the improvement in Old Man Jenkins’ health may be due to his recent increase in bingo nights and early bedtimes. It is also rumored that he has been taking doses of Geritol and listening to Frank Sinatra on repeat.
Despite his advanced age, Old Man Jenkins shows no signs of slowing down. He has continued to keep up with his duties as pontiff, spending his days blessing rosaries and grumbling about the youth these days.
Vatican officials are confident that Old Man Jenkins will continue to improve, and may even live to see his next birthday. When asked for comment, the pontiff simply muttered something about needing to prune the garden and shuffled off to his chambers.
It remains to be seen what the future holds for Old Man Jenkins and the Vatican, but one thing is certain: he’ll be complaining the whole way.
