Fakebook, Instagroan to Allow EU Users to Choose “Boring” Version of Services
In a move that’s sure to dampen the fun of EU social media users everywhere, Fakebook and Instagroan have announced plans to launch a “boring” version of their popular services. The new option will allow users to opt-out of targeted advertising and instead receive only broad, generic ads based on their age range and general location.
“This is great news for people who don’t like feeling special!” said Fakebook CEO, Mark Zuckerdude. “We know that some people just want to blend in and not stand out, and we’re happy to provide them with a completely forgettable social media experience.”
According to Instagroan spokesperson, Kim Kardashimmick, the new version of the app will be called “Instablane” and will feature only the bare minimum of features necessary to post basic photos and videos.
“We understand that endless scrolling and tapping through filters can be overwhelming for some people,” said Kardashimmick. “With Instablane, you’ll be able to do the bare minimum of social media and still feel like you’re not missing out on anything.”
While the move is sure to disappoint those who enjoy targeted ads for embarrassing medical conditions and questionable fashion choices, the companies are confident that there is a large enough market for a more “vanilla” experience.
“We know that not everyone wants to share every detail of their lives with the internet,” said Zuckerdude. “Some people just want to see pictures of their cousin’s baby and call it a day. And that’s okay. We’re here for you, too.”
The companies have not yet announced a release date for the new version of their services, but have promised it will be “soon-ish.” In the meantime, users can continue to enjoy the thrill of customized ads for obscure products and services they never knew existed.
