In a shocking move, the government has announced that military sites around the country will be transformed into housing for thousands of migrants. The plan is to lure the migrants away from small boat crossings, by offering them the opportunity to stay in luxurious military digs instead.
The sites are set to include barracks, mess halls and training facilities that will all be converted into migrant accommodation. The new lodgings will boast such amenities as obstacle courses and boot-cleaning stations, making them the most high-end refugee camps in the world.
“We’re trying to bring a little bit of military discipline to the migrants,” said General Hardass, the man tasked with overseeing the transition. “We think that they’ll appreciate the structure and routine of military life, and hopefully, this will deter them from trying to cross the channel in flimsy little boats.”
The government has even gone as far as to promise that every migrant will receive their very own army uniform upon arrival. However, sources have revealed that the uniforms will be made by the cheapest bidder and are likely to fall apart after a single wash.
The whole idea has been met with mixed reactions. Some people have praised the government’s efforts to reduce dangerous boat crossings, while others have voiced concerns about the living conditions on offer.
“We’ll be living in the same place where people are trained to kill,” said one migrant, who wished to remain anonymous. “It feels a little bit like we’re being set up to fail.”
Despite the controversy, the government remains confident that the plan will be a success. “We’re just happy to provide some much-needed accommodation,” said Home Secretary, Derek McPrison. “After all, these migrants have been left in limbo for far too long. It’s time to give them a place to call home. Even if it is a military base.”
