In a bizarre turn of events, the US has condemned the detention of the one and only Evan Gersh-not-so-ovich, and his employer has gone on a fierce rampage denying any and all accusations.
Sources close to Mr. Gersh-not-so-ovich say that he was simply going about his daily routine when he was apprehended by local authorities. The reason for his detention remains unclear, but he is said to be in good spirits and has reportedly been spending his time in captivity organizing the other inmates’ commissary lists.
Meanwhile, his employer, the hilariously named “Pete’s Pickled Peppers” has gone on the defensive, issuing a statement denying any involvement in Mr. Gersh-not-so-ovich’s sudden incarceration. “We absolutely have no idea what’s going on here,” said Pete himself in a press conference, “but we stand by our employee and will do everything in our power to get him out of there.”
The internet has of course gone into a frenzy, with the hashtag #FreeEvan trending on social media networks. Memes featuring the bespectacled Mr. Gersh-not-so-ovich adorned with pickle jars and prison jumpsuits are already flooding the interwebs.
At this point, it’s anyone’s guess as to what will happen next in this circus of a situation. Will Evan be released unharmed? Will Pete’s Pickled Peppers ever be taken seriously again? Will we ever learn why Evan Gersh-not-so-ovich was detained in the first place?
All we know is that this may be the best thing to happen to the internet since the “Damn Daniel” craze of 2016.
