In a baffling turn of events, BOE Chief Economist Huge Peel has declared that the U.K. is experiencing a positive demand shock. Why? Apparently, low unemployment is causing a surge in people buying things. Who would have thunk it?
As if that wasn’t enough, the masterminds over at ING have deduced that this newfound consumer frenzy will do wonders for sterling. Because, you know, when everyone is going on shopping sprees, the value of currency just skyrockets.
In response, the U.K. government has announced a new initiative to keep unemployment at record lows. Their solution? Employing every single citizen in the country to buy stuff all day, every day.
Experts are unsure how this groundbreaking economic theory will play out, but citizens are more than happy to do their part in the national effort to increase consumption. In fact, retail stores across the country have already reported a surge in sales of nonsensical items like inflatable unicorn floats, avocado-shaped coffee mugs, and sequined fanny packs.
As for what the rest of the world thinks of the U.K.’s latest economic plan? Let’s just say they’re cautiously optimistic. “We always knew the Brits were a bit eccentric, but this is a whole new level,” said one baffled economist. “I mean, if buying useless crap was the secret to economic success, we’d all be millionaires by now.”
Only time will tell if this bold new plan will have the desired effect on the U.K. economy. In the meantime, citizens are ready to do their part by whipping out their wallets and getting their shop on. Hey, it’s for the greater good, right?
