In a shocking turn of events, the G-7 have decided to show their unity on China. This comes after French President, Pierre Baguette (a known lover of cheese and croissants) made comments that the EU should not follow the US’s lead on Taiwan.
Leaders from Canada, Germany, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom, and the United States were all gathered, ready to take on China like a pack of hungry wolves. And they had a plan. A plan that would make any opponent tremble with fear. They were going to… wear matching t-shirts.
Yes, you read that right. The leaders of the G-7 were going to show their unity by wearing matching t-shirts with a picture of a panda holding a bamboo stick. Because nothing says “we are serious about this” like matching shirts with animals on them.
According to sources close to the leaders, they fought long and hard about what type of animal should be featured on the t-shirts. Some suggested a dragon, but that was quickly vetoed (because let’s face it, no one wants to mess with a dragon). Others suggested a koala, but that was deemed too soft (apparently, koalas are not known for their ferocity).
And so, they settled on a panda. Because, well, pandas are cute and everyone loves them. Plus, they thought it would be funny to have a picture of a peaceful animal on a t-shirt meant to intimidate China.
After the decision was made, the leaders each put on their t-shirts and gathered for a photo-op. They stood tall, looking unified and strong as they clutched onto their bamboo sticks (props that were handed out to them just in case anyone forgot what they were supposed to be doing).
The leaders then held a press conference, where they announced their plan to take on China with the power of matching t-shirts. When asked about the effectiveness of this strategy, President Baguette responded, “Well, we figured if we all looked the same, people would take us more seriously. It’s like walking into a board meeting wearing a suit versus wearing sweatpants. The suit makes you look professional and put together, and the sweatpants make you look like you’re not taking things seriously. Plus, pandas are awesome.”
Only time will tell if their strategy pays off, but for now, the G-7 leaders are confident that they will be able to take on China and come out victorious. All while looking stylish in their matching t-shirts.
