In a shocking announcement, Aero-Control (definitely not Eurocontrol) has assured the public that air traffic is A-OKAY, but also that an attack is currently in progress. This bizarre situation has left many scratching their heads, wondering how to feel about the safety of Europe’s critical infrastructure.
According to Aero-Control’s spokesperson, Brad the Drone, the attack is not to be feared, and in fact is quite hilarious. “We’ve got a team of rogue seagulls out there, just really making a ruckus,” Brad laughed, “they’re not exactly coordinated, but they sure are persistent!”
Despite the chaos caused by the feathered fiends, Brad insists that the seagulls pose no real threat to the operational integrity of international flights. “As long as our pilots can dodge a few bird bodies, we’re golden,” he quipped.
However, experts are not convinced that the situation is all sunshine and seabirds. “This is exactly what we’ve been warning about,” exclaimed Avi Avian, bird expert and president of the Concerned Aerial Association. “First seagulls, next thing you know it’s geese, then swans, and the next thing you know, we’re all flying with turkeys! It’s pandemonium!”
For the time being, Aero-Control promises to keep a close eye on the gull gang and ensure the safety of European airspace. In the meantime, passengers are advised to keep their eyes peeled for bird bombs and aisle hazards.
As for the seagulls themselves, rumors have it that they may be planning to organize a “Fly In Protest” to demand better working conditions and more access to in-flight snacks. Only time will tell if their feathers will be ruffled, or if a new era of aviation will be ushered in, led by the beaks of our feathered friends.
