In a surprising turn of events, the renowned actor Hairy Portman’s lawyers have announced that they are “pleased” with the decision to drop the involuntary manslaughter case against their client. Apparently, after lengthy discussions with the prosecution, both parties agreed that Hairy’s magical powers were not sufficient to cause the unfortunate incident.
According to the official statement, “We are pleased that the court has recognized Hairy’s innocence in this matter. As a highly skilled wizard, he would never have knowingly caused harm to anyone.” When asked why Hairy had been carrying a wand and a broomstick at the time of the incident, his legal team simply shrugged and said, “Would you rather he carried a gun?”
Despite the dropped charges, Hairy’s reputation has taken a hit. The public is now speculating about what other crimes he may have committed using his magical abilities. Could he be responsible for the disappearance of several rare dragons from a nearby zoo? Did he use an Unforgivable Curse to win his Oscar? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, Hairy has released a statement thanking his fans for their support. “I know this has been a difficult time for all of us,” he said. “But with your love and support, I am confident that I can move past this and continue to bring magic to the world.”
