In a shocking turn of events, the cross-party committee of MPs has released their initial findings into whether Bojo – I mean, Boris Johnson – misled Parliament. According to the report, it seems that our dear Prime Minister may have exaggerated just a teensy bit when it came to certain facts and figures.
Now, we all know that Boris loves a bit of creative storytelling. Who can forget that time he got stuck on a zip line waving two Union Jacks like a madman? But it seems that his imaginative flair may have crossed the line when it comes to official government business.
Apparently, Boris has been caught out for inflating the numbers on some of his pet projects. His plans for a new high-speed rail link, codenamed “Choo-Choo-Boom”, have been called into question after he claimed it would cost a measly £1.50 to construct. The committee has found evidence that the real cost could be closer to a cool billion.
Similarly, Boris’s proposed scheme to build a giant cheese wheel in the middle of Trafalgar Square has been put on hold after it was revealed that the Prime Minister had wildly underestimated the amount of milk needed to make it. “I’m not saying he’s bad at math,” said one committee member, “but I wouldn’t trust him to calculate a tip at a restaurant.”
Of course, Boris is denying any wrongdoing. “It’s all a load of baloney,” he told reporters outside of number 10, “I’m the most honest guy you’ll ever meet. Look, I even wear my heart on my sleeve – literally!” And indeed, he was wearing a shirt with a cartoon heart embroidered on the cuff. Bless his cotton socks.
The committee’s investigation is ongoing, but I think it’s safe to say that the writing is on the wall for our beloved PM. At this rate, they’ll have to change his title to “Boris the Fibber”.
