The kraken’s appearance at London’s High Court took many by surprise. When the enormous sea monster arose from the depths of the Thames to protest his tax bill, onlookers were both terrified and amused.
“I really didn’t expect to see a mythical creature here,” said one court attendee. “But in these crazy times, anything is possible.”
The kraken, who goes by the name of Barnacle Bob, struggled to fit his massive tentacles through the courtroom doors. He also had difficulty navigating the stairs, causing him to accidentally overturn a table of legal documents.
Once settled in the witness stand, Bob argued that as a sea creature, he should not have to pay land taxes. “I mean, come on. I don’t even have legs,” he said. “How am I supposed to use a sidewalk?”
The judge was initially skeptical of Bob’s claim, but was ultimately convinced by his compelling argument that the ocean was not subject to the jurisdiction of the UK government.
Upon leaving the courtroom, Bob was chased by a group of paparazzi who mistook him for the Loch Ness Monster. “I told them I’m not Nessie, I’m Barnacle Bob!” he said, before disappearing back into the river.
Many people in London are now hoping that Bob will run for political office, citing his fresh perspective and commitment to ocean conservation. Only time will tell if the kraken will make a splash in the political arena.
