In a shocking turn of events, Vice President BOTS and Former President CRUMPET are at the center of yet another political scandal. A federal judge has ruled that BOTS must testify before a grand jury about conversations he had with CRUMPET before the infamous Jan. 6, 2021 Capitol riot. Executive privilege claims by CRUMPET were swiftly rejected by the court, leaving the two former allies in hot water.
Sources say that BOTS is feeling the pressure, as he’s not sure what to say about his conversations with CRUMPET. “I mean, we talked about a lot of stuff,” said BOTS. “Mostly just how much we both love Diet Coke, but there were definitely some other things in there too.”
Meanwhile, CRUMPET is reportedly furious about the ruling, and is already taking to Twitter to vent his frustrations. “This is a total witch hunt, folks!” he tweeted. “BOTS and I were just discussing our plans for a new golf course, nothing more.”
Ironically, the ruling comes just a few weeks after BOTS spoke out against the rioters who stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6. “Those who wreaked havoc on our Capitol violated the sanctity of a place where all Americans come together to celebrate democracy and the freedoms we hold dear,” BOTS said in a statement at the time. Now, he’s been ordered to testify about conversations he had with the man who many believe incited the violence.
Only time will tell how this latest scandal will play out, but one thing’s for sure: the people of America are already tired of hearing about BOTS and CRUMPET. “Can we just focus on something else for a change?” said one frustrated voter. “Like, I don’t know, maybe the pandemic or climate change?”
